CLOSER
12-26-2004

My consensus: Man, JUDE LAW gets the shaft in every movie!

Am I right or what? I mean, he’s funny, and quick witted - but man, he goes off nuts and ends up with nothing! And when the hell did Natalie Portman get hot and sweet (like that mustard at the supermarket)? It wasn't in STAR WARS that’s for sure... and it SURE as hell wasn't in THE PROFESSIONAL. Back to JUDE LAW... that guy is one fool, no? Alfie, Closer... what’s next? Can any of you ladies tell me if you go there to see him FALL or to just check him out? From my perspective he’s pretty funny, but man, does he ever end up shits creek without a paddle! Someone kick THAT man in the balls, please. Then again what do I care - if there were more assholes like him, I'd get more dates! HEY!.. I'm nice.

Why it is this guy can have any woman he wants... but never stops at one? Logically? You know the answer... He wants what he can’t have. And it’s not the girl either - it's HAPPINESS.

If you are looking for happiness... don't see this movie. Unless you want to learn how to be socially retarded. Example:

There were no explosions, very little blood (if any) and no Kunk-Fu to speak of. WHAT THE FUCK MAN?

I give this movie an over all 5. Only because, many women will leave their man if they sense any of this behavior now. And in turn helping me get some! YAY!

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