In Good Company
1-17-2005

This movie was good, so it sucked. I was personally soured before the show driving in because I heard a commercial on the radio that pissed me off. It had nothing to do with the movie, but it made me upset that I had to now try and enjoy something unbiased now.

This movie made me feel all warm and moist inside. Giggly too. Then I realized I pissed myself. I was at the theater so damn early, I had to wait about 45 minutes, and by the time the film started my ass and crotch were numb and I couldn’t control my friggin muscles. So there I was all urinezed. Luckily I keep a full change of close in my glove compartment (which is broken). All was well now. Interestingly enough there were allot of singularly accompanied people there. In other words people alone - like me! Losers.

So this is a corporate lesson movie about morals and all that shit. How to treat people, and doing the right thing. Stuff no one wants to do anyway. Firing your friends, sleeping with your wing-mans daughter (who’s twice your age - the wingman, not the daughter) and punching people in the face. Dan (Dennis Quaid) he's a sports magazine ad sales dept. and the company gets bought out. His new boss is half his age and is a boob. Carter (the boob) seems nice enough and makes Dan his "wingman". Slowly Carter is firing all the people Dan hired years ago and makes Dan look like a corporate vagina. So Carter invites himself over to Dan’s house for dinner, and Dan fucks everything up by dropping the baked ziti. It's really his pregnant wife’s fault because she tried to give it to him before he had a chance to get some oven mitts. What a bitch, huh?

So they order pizza and meanwhile Carter and Dan’s daughter are out playing foosball, and she’s kicking his ass. He’s only honest around here, which is stupid because guys are never honest - except when they are gassy. So they are in there eating pizza and Carter spills a drink on Dan’s balls, and tries to wipe it off. BAD MOVE. Only his wife gets to do that shit, and it’s not with a napkin either. Dipshit! So eventually Carter and Dan’s strangely hot college daughter (can’t quite place why) start banging one another and, I guess now they are "seeing" eachother. Side note: if anyone wants to explain to me the difference between, seeing, dating, and all that shit - drop me a line. So the daughter is dodging her parent’s calls to her cell phone and dorm, and Dans like WHAT THE FUCK? So finally he follows Carter to a restaurant where they are, because he suspects something after seeing them at his birthday party - happy 52nd Dan, you old fart! So Dan punches Carter in the face and tells his daughter to suck it down basically, and takes off into the sunset. Pretty intense right there. So meanwhile wifey is in the hospital because she pushed to hard taking a shit or something, and the other daughter (an unrememberable character) is in unconvincing hysterics about it all. Well, all is well and her colon is fine. So is the baby. Yay.

Daughter breaks up with Carter. Dan's wife has ANOTHER baby girl (Jesus Dans fucked now, voted out 4 to one) and he gets his old job back. Touché' Carter fucker! HAHAHA! Anyway, Dan and Carter make a big ass sale, and tell some assholes to fuck off, because they can. Dan hires back his old friends back to the company, and Carter goes jogging on the beach. This last paragraph might be out of order, as I took 5 minutes to take a massive leak (yet again).

You know, I told myself I have to start writing these reviews sooner after I see these damn movies - and I STILL have trouble remembering the fucking things. I’m so shot; I guess I should wait anyway. Sorry for the short review, but that’s life fuckface. Maybe I'll add more later!

This movie had one (hardly) fight scene, NO boobs, but it did have plenty of "letting go" (firing) of people, which was uncomfortable if not funny. NO explosions at all in this movie either. What a crock.

OVERALL: 6.5

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