Hitch
2-20-2005

The following is a list of the types of people who should see this movie:

I can't really explain to the common reader why the movie Hitch was made. He is a guy who likes to help guys understand what it takes to get the woman they want. Bravo... beyond that, there really is no plot that differs itself from any other boring [cough]romantic[/cough] comedy ever made.

Something to watch for is when Will roundhouses a chick in the temple on a jet-sky. That ruled, and although it was in the trailer, it's still worth hearing what the audience says and how they react: OH MY! DID YOU SEE THAT? OUCH! OH MY GOODNESS, THAT WAS SO FUNNY! HAHAHA, STUPID!"

No shit really?

Another thing is when he makes the same girl cry when he reveals her GREAT GREAT (or not so great) Grandfathers signature in this guest book - apparently when he came to the US way back when. Shortly after he signed the book, he became a mass murderer and killed a shitload of people. Nice heritage to be apart of apparently. Great going WILL - jackass.

Other than that, the scene where Will forgot to take off his Mohamed Ali makeup was funny. This one was in the trailer too. What you didn't see in the trailer was him drinking 17 bottles of allergy medicine off the shelf. Why? Well its bad for children and Hollywood doesn't want to give the impression (at a PG-13 rated movie no less) that drinking allergy medicine will cause you to act stupidly drunk. Because it will. And, since the audience was made up of mostly people GREATLY older than me or SUBSTANTIALLY younger than me... I would say this was a great public service announcement by Hollywood. Again, nice going dopes. (I hate only having one word on a line, so don't pay attention to this)

The end is cool too. That's when it ends. See? Other than that, wait for the movie to become illegal for sale and translated into Latin or something, where I am sure it will be even funnier. Though, I doubt it.

This movie deserves nothing higher than a 2. But I am adding 1/2 a point for the lisping waiter I encountered afterwards. He was the funniest character I saw. Next time though, slice the fucking bread before you bring it to the table, you boob. Thanks!

OVER ALL: 2.5