I’ve never done drugs in my life, but
if I was ever going to admit it for the purpose of being confused about a
movie plot, this would be the case! I’m happy to say I got there early
and saw the WHOLE movie. Last week I got screwed! I had heard about this book
any moons ago, but never read it. Finally when I saw the preview, I thought,
COOL. Now I can see what everyone was losing it about.
I think they were losing their mind! The creatures in this movie are so gross and stupid. They are snotty (the nostril kind) and a bunch of total dinks! THOUGH, the scenes are funny, and Arthur (the lead) is sort of the hero. The whole meaning of the movie eventually boils down to THE ULTIMATE QUESTION: What is the meaning of life and existence in general? I guess.
I could have saved everyone plenty of time with that one. There IS no meaning if you have to ask yourself that. If you just live your life, then that’s the meaning. DO SOMETHING and it will have meaning. Of course, my version is more boring and short (though free) and this movie was some funny shit. There was EVEN a dame! She was a Plain Jane though - but for one reason or another, she was HOT too. Must have been the eyes, and KNEE high pattern sox. WOOHOO. Plus, her personality said to me: I can get her. But anyway...
The whole thing starts out with Arthur's house waiting to be demolished. There really isn’t an explanation for this other than the new bypass or whatever that needs to be built. You figure though - he owns the house, he owns the property surrounding it too. That I didn’t get - but what it IRONIC, everyone else gets pissed then the Aliens want to blow up the Earth for the same reason - tough shit pal! What comes around GOES around.
So the Earth is destroyed, and Arthur and his friend of 15 years or whatever is, of course, an Alien. When he first came to Earth, he tried to shake hands with a fucking Volkswagen. I would have really wanted to see how that would turn out. But he was saved - and the friendship began. SO, they hitch a ride on the Alien ship that torched the Earth, and this is where the FUGLIES start popping up all over the place. Oh, Arthur’s Aliens friend sticks a miniaturized pig in his ear so it can translate foreign or alien languages instantaneously to him. COOL. Now how about those native people who cant speak the same fucking language? Man science has its priorities messed up. Haha!
SO they bum around the Galaxy and this book (which is really what the movie is about) gives answers to many questions that it’s asked. WOW. Sounds like the Bible (maybe there is a metaphor in there somewhere). There is a scene where these two kids are in some retarded garb clothing and they ask this computer what the answer to THE question is: the meaning of all life. Well "she" actually thinks its math - and 7 billion years later comes up with the answer 42. Nice going. It must have been a Mac. Actually it sort of looked like one too. Anyway - she fucked up, and they ask again, only this time she builds another computer to figure out what the actual question IS. What a lazy fuck. So it turns out, the thing she built was either the Earth OR Arthur. Or Arthur’s brain. And of course, who governs this new computer that is built to figure out the ultimate question? MICE. Oh brother.
Here is another thing - the two headed president of the Galaxy was DEFINATELY molded after David Lee Roth. I mean, its so friggn' obvious. It’s almost annoying actually, but, at least he doesn’t squeal like a pig, and do karate kicks. He also needs a football helmet with an orange juice extractor on the top (after his second head is removed) so he can concentrate. The jokes in this movie are abstract and funny as hell. As you can see, I’m laughing my balls off.
The special effects are nice in this movie, although ultimately this could have been a TV show al together I think - which would be cool. All the characters are memorable, and they have cool technology like a gun that makes you see the point of view of the person who shoots it at you (made for women to use on men). There is also a manically depressed robot, who rules. You sort of feel where he is coming from, because he was built with a prototype human personality, (APP). And since he’s depressed all the time that probably means it was modeled after some stupid teenager who just broke up with their bi-partner. He’s funny though, and ultimately saves the day! WOOOOOOOO. Lets here it for depressed simulated personality robots!
I would see this movie again with someone, but not alone. Maybe so I could see another’s point of view. But I’m sure that won’t happen, since I’m a dateless mofo.
Fat hippo Aliens: 8 - Weaponry: 7 - Boobery: 6 - Depressed Robot: 8 - The Purpose of all Life: 2
1 extra point for blowing up Earth. Thats all it was worth to me.
OVERALL: 7.2
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