This movie, while kick ass, also sucked when it started to get depressing. There is nothing like taking your balls away after feeling good about watching girls punch the shit out of each other. This movie has that good feeling Rocky-Karate kid thing going for it. But it's not as queer and Ralph Macchio is no where to be found, thank God.

Clint and Morgan are two jackasses that go back and forth with each other like the odd couple, and it's pretty funny. It's that dry sarcastic humor that makes you want to toss a bologna stick at homeless person. Yeah, you feel that good about it. They both work at a gym where boxer's box and idiots don't. This is one of those films where it tries to be serious but also throws in some dipshit who, when every time he's in a scene, you just cringe in stupfication and spit out your pretzels. "Danger" is t hat guy in this movie. More on that guy later.

So, Swank is a 31 year old dame whose dream I guess, is to date me. But she has to settle for the roll of a female boxer who wants Clint to train her to become the balls or something. Well he won't give her the time of day; and while she's scrapping chicken left-overs from her waitressing job, he's out getting porked by his best boxer with some big shot prick that can show him the money where it counts: with a world title shot. Fucknut.

So finally Morgan shows Swank a few things about punching, and she's doing well enough for Clint to say "what the fuck Mo? You are a dink showing her that!" Well not exactly, but eventually and reluctantly Clint take her under his wing and cuts her into shape. I think he does it because he feels some eternal guilt or something towards his own daughter - but who gives a fuck. The cool shit is about to happen!

So she's getting pretty good and finally wants a fight - Clint tosses her to some jackass in a bowl hat and he fucks it up. Half way during the fight Clint steps back in and tell her the ancient Chinese secret to slapping the piss out of people, and she MAULS all over this chicks face and she flops to the matt like a Chilean sea bass. SWEET! This goes on for several fights and then Clint moves her up one weight class notch and she has a bit of trouble but soon RECKS this chick all over her shit. I was excited at this point, because I could without guilt, pop a rod in a theater and I wouldn't be alone! Though, I wish I were.

So she's dancing and fighting and kicking everyone's asshole up and down the ropes. Morgan in the mean time has to teach the boys a lesson at the gym for picking on "Danger" as he's aptly called, as it seems to follow him where ever he goes. This is a cool scene because Morgan plays a half blind guy who knocks the pleasant shit out of some prick who doesn't know the meaning of the word "cut the shit fuck face" So that's that. Morgan lays him out and fucks with his soul. I liked it.

Finally Swank gets a title fight with some whore-turned-wench boxer and it's a pretty brutal scene because this is when it goes from kick ass to depressing and my boner falls off. The first round doesn't go so well because the pig boxer chick is a dirty player who likes to swat people after the bell. SO... Clint tells Swank to belt her sciatic nerve 50 times and box her tits until they turn blue and fall off. (that's a direct quote) So after the medical lesson Swank get to work on this chicks face and knocks her down. OF COURSE the wench gets up, and takes a CHEAP shot to Swank and this is where all that slow motion shit starts to happen. FUCK. Swank is going to her neutral corner at the bell and the whore gives her shot to the skull and as I said... s l o w m o t i o n… Clint is putting the stool out, and sees the bullshit going on... next thing you know Swank goes neck first into the stool and recks her whole spinal shit up. She's paralyzed, Clint feels shitty, the whore is like "oh well" and I want to kick her face open backwards. What the fuck man, I thought she was going to own that PIG. Am I supposed to feel good about this? What about me? What about the audience? SHIT! Well, that's all about you see of that cheater boxing pig, as the rest of the movie is about Clint blaming Morgan (Morgan narrates the film by the way), sad hospital scenes, sponge baths, and I want my money back. But I can't because that just life I guess. So now I have to sit through 45 minutes of tear jerking stuff. She can't move, her skin is getting all gross and they have to remove her knee. Next thing you know, she's asking Clint to disconnect her from life and he's not going to do it. Fat ass mom comes with the trailer trash son and daughter and some fuck faced lawyer. Oh, they just spend the last week fucking Pluto and Goofy instead of coming to see their door-stop daughter welter away into a bag of shit. Fat cow. I'd like to drop her off a roof too. So they (the shitty assfaced family) expect Swank to sign her money away to them with a pen in her mouth. Well, fuck that shit. She tells her mother to eat ass and that's that. Go get a job you big moose.

FINALLY… Clint feels like shit and all the while through this movie he's terrorizing this priest which is funny... but in the end goes to him for help and all that shit about morals and life and clint devlops a snot running form hos hose ot hos lip - I thought he was going to swallow it! (watch for this scene, it's the key to an Oscar) Well, that doesn't fly with Dirty Harry and he goes back to the hospital to give Swank her dieing wish. Pull the plug. Man that sucked pud. It took to long too as far as I am concerned. He disconnects her oxygen (slowly), shoots her full of adrenalin, (slowly) and that's that. He walks away and goes for some pie at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere, never to return. He disappears for good. Chicken ass. I guess he felt lucky? (Punk)

Blood, (8) - Boobs, (4) - Explosions, (1) - Ass Kickery, (9), Dialog, (6)

I'm adding 3 points for Hillary Swank wanting me to bad.

OVERALL: 8.6