Flight of the Phoenix
12-18-2004

Awe shit. I waited to long to write this review - so its going be somewhat brief and retarded. OOPS. I was so busy writing other crap and, well, doing nothing, I forgot. Sorry.

Basically this movie kicks ass for a few reasons: It has sand storms, takes place in a secluded desert where you can die just by over exerting yourself (which means don't do anything) and has the NOMADS in there using people for target practice. Nice.

It starts out with a group of people in the desert looking for oil because the US is a bunch of petroleum whores, taking note of the real world situation in the Middle East, Hollywood needs to make some story that ends with something positive to offset all this retarded oil business. Well done.

So, for some reason the excavation of oil doesn't work out and the lead guy played by that guy in that other cool movie (Dennis Quaid) has the deed of cleaning it all up and taking their equipment and selling it on eBay or some shit. The shipping charges are going to be fucking enormous. Anyway... this is when things get cool. (i.e., explosions, loss of bodies and turbulence)

So, the plane is up in the air by now and, of course they fly right into a sand storm and the rear latch opens up sucking out at least one of the passengers. Nice. The plane crashes, and after about 20 minutes, that kid from the wonder years comes up with a cool plan to build another plane from the existing one (its dual ass design is perfect for this) and since he designs remote control scale airplanes for a living, he's an expert and can yell at everyone. Nice dye job dingleberry.

From here it's off and on jokes and peach eating to survive. A few die, and some get caught in the fight with the Nomads (basically Mongolian terrorists) and everyone blames themselves except for the shallow ones who just want to screw the only passable hot chick in the lot.. who's not really that hot either, but I'd bang her anyway. Go me.

After numerous attempts at trying to convert the double-ass plane to something usable, some explosions (nice) and more sandstorms keep dicking up their chances of getting the hell out of there. After all Will & Grace will be on soon... dorks. Next thing you know, an iPod shoes up and the one dude you would think would want to listen to DMX cranks some other kick ass tunage. Everyting turns out well here, and they all go to 11.

Something to note: can't someone design a fucking plane that doesn't need to be started with a fucking converted shotgun barrel? GOOD LORD. Even though it was semi-dramatic, they could have just blew up the fucking thing and made the movie THAT much cooler - but it wasn't a bad idea entirely. They got it on the last try. Original.

So, they get rescued, the Mexican guy opens up a fajita shop and the others visit and get shit faced while trading wives and fingering each others' assholes. It pretty much kicks ass form here on out. And that's only because its almost over and I have to take a mean piss.

Stats: Blood, 6 - Kung-Fu, 2 - Boobs, 1 - Explosions, 7 - Acting, 7

Overall Rating: 4.6 + 2 points for the psychotic Doctor who almost blows Ribisi's head off because he's really insane and sweating like a pig.

TOTAL: 6.6

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