Where do I start with this movie and how do I explain its FUCKING KICK ASSNESS? Think about Pulp Fiction, then add in the extra violence and blood from Kill Bill, and you might have an idea about the massive kick to the spine you get when you watch this movie. From the beginning to the end it's up your ass like an inverted squirrel packing nuts in to a tree knot. (If you are into that sort of thing - I'm not, personally). I don't suggest you bring someone with a weak stomach.

This was directed by Quentin Tarantino, so right off the bat you know that, not only are you going to be confused at first, you are going to be confused at the end too. There are 4 sequences going on, and they are all out of order. I had difficulty at the end determining the relationship between some characters. But who cares? This movie has it ALL, and when I say ALL I'm talking about the full list of bullshit. Let's take a look:

• Hookers
• Guns
• Explosions
• Hacksaws
• Executions
• Cannibals
• Kung-Fu
• Strippers
• Yellow Skinned Assholes
• Hookers
• Decapitations
• Hookers

I could stop right here and that would qualify as a must see movie, but instead I'm going to enlighten you to the beauty of the cinematography known as SIN CITY. Bruce Willis is a cop (of course) and he doesn't look like he's pushing 60, but he is. His partner is an asshole (as you'll figure out later) and Bruce is out to catch a child killer. Simple right? Not really... after some funny dialog by two jackass-boobs who are the retard sidekicks of the movie (there are others) Bruce introduces a metal pipe to their heads, and ends up saving the girl. But, not before his partner shoots him and takes off. Bruce, being the man that he is, shoots the killers hand off, and his dick. Now, that's really cool! He goes into a coma, and the little girl lives. (A fair trade) After you see the movie you'll notice I am writing the review "out of order" just to piss you off. Hey, Quentin did it to me!

From there is goes to a bedroom scene (I think) and Mickey Rourke is fugly, but cool. He porks this sweet blonde hooker, and thinks he's in love with her - dope. Well, Elijah Wood comes in and ruins everything (what an asshole) he kills her and that sets off a series of ass kicking events that could only be justified by a confused lunatic who hasn't taken his medicine..... Which he manages to get from his hot lesbian cop friend. DAMN nice ass and boobs! I recognize her from something else but I can't quite place it. So, Mickey starts killing his way to the truth (or so he tries, after all he's confused) and along the way, meets Goldie's (the hooker he banged) sister who pistol whips him into laughter. Nice. He's just one bad ass motherfucker, that's all I'm going to say. Finally, he does some demolition work to Elijah Wood, a Holy man (bishop?) some cops, a few hitmen, and there are no complaints from me, that's for damn sure.

Somewhere along the line a dude named Dwight comes into the scene, and he's porking Britney Murphy, who, in my opinion gets to much face in this movie. She's sort of skanky and plays the role well. Anyway, I think Dwight is the re-faced version of some other character, I haven't quite figured that out yet. Anyway, he shoves a guy's face in a toilet (that happens a few times in this movie) takes off only to catch up with a band of hookers who "have their own brand of justice" (corny). At this point I really don't care what they do - their hookers, I'm satisfied!

So, Mio (Meo?) is a hooker samurai chick with a few swords and a knack for making Pez dispensers out of people (that was fun). She can also cut your vegetables in bite size pieces in case you have limited room in your refrigerator. After the toilet face guy gets his hand cut off (too funny) Mio goes ape shit on the other assholes and Ginsu's them all into a salad suitable for containment in a shitty car trunk. Sick yet? This movie is 2 hours, you haven't seen shit yet, my friend!

The child killer in the beginning never really died, and his dad (who's a senator) has him treated and his balls grown back, and for the next 8 years (while Bruce is in jail, framed for the child murders himself) kills more children. Of course, now the fuck face is yellow with Dumbo ears and no calf muscles to speak of! Totally funny. This part is a lot like the first part with Bruce and the little girl, only this time, the little girl is 19 and she's Jessica Alba - the hottest chick in movies. Thank you. Oh, Bruce got out of jail by confessing to being a child molsterer - pretty slick. Now all he has to do is fine Nancy (Alba) and resist her (I couldn't do it) and punch the guys face in until it resembles orange juice pulp - which he does effectively. There are so many other things going on in this second part, it's so SICK.

This is the point where I think Bruce's character and Mickey's character sort of cross streams. There is a scene with Mickey where he goes to kill Elijah, and it's the same farm where the other asshole is at. I never quite figure out the relation between those two, other than they are real assholes. Anyway, Mickey blows up the farm, and cuts off Elijah's legs and arms, and lets his pet wolf eat the rest. That's worth $9 there all on its own! WOOHOO! I swear I don't know who the hell Frank Miller is, but he has to be the fucking coolest dude ever.

I don't know where to go next with this movie - but I already saw it twice, and will probably see it again. Oh, Brice kills himself to save Nancy; Mickey gets the electric chair. Dwight survives, and Nancy wants to date me. How cool is that?

Without getting too complicated about the ending (since there really isn't one, this is Quentin remember?) here is the final tally:

Violence, 10 - Boobs, 10 - Kung-Fu, 10 - Acting 10 - Explosions/Fire, 10 - Decapitations 10.
I mean why do I have to go on?

OVERALL: 9
(minus one point because I had to pee and missed someething detrrmental, I think)

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