Revenge of the Sith
5-20-2005
What do you want me to tell you? It's Star Wars. If, for some reason you were confused as to what was going to happen here, OR you are a complete oblivious bonehead, then you MAY come out surprised after seeing Revenge of the Sith. WAKE UP!
This movie has betrayal, beheadings, tons of deaths, decapitations (did I say that already?) the murders of small Jedi children, ugly facial transformations, not to mention the Dark Helmet guy... which is why most of us went to see it. COME ON NOW? Did you really want the good guys to win? Well, they sort of did - but now you can all rent the first 3 movies... oops I mean 4, 5 and 6. What was Lucas thinking giving us this shit out of order? I wonder how the original 3 would have come out had he played the numbers game MATHEMATICALLY. Who would have played Luke? Han Solo? Who cares? I might but, that’s not how it went down - so fuck it.
Visually this movie is awesome; the story is complete, though a bit crowded. But, for most it will tie in together all the shit for the past 30 years. Happy now? Good. The question is, is there nothing here anyone couldn’t have figured out? BUT, at least you get to see it. The smart thing is Lucas is going to make TONS from people buying the DVDs from all the movies now. I hate him. GIVE ME SOME MONEY MAN! I have server bills to pay!
So, there are tons of fights, and all that.
Padme (how ever you fucking spell it) is pregnant (there will probably be
a porno in the works for that scene alone on Vivid Video) and of course she’s
the mother of Luke and Leia. The birthing scene was boring, and she looked
way to good for a dame who was about to croak. COME ON NOW, put some feeling
into it! You're pushing out WATERMELONS from a peephole; the least you could
do is scream in agony. Well, I guess that’s what PG13 gets you - fake
acting birth scenes. Well, who cares, watching Anakin get his legs slices
off from the Electrical Ginsu Master Obi Wan was much fun.
Anakin:
"DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY POWERS!"
Obi Wan: "Mmk, *ZzzzLiiiiCe!*
Take that fuck face!"
Anakin: "OUCH! What
the HELL, Man? I thought we were bro's?"
Obi Wan: "Ooops,
sorry. Hey, next time don't fuck with the Force, ya boob."
So that was pretty neat. I wouldn't say it was worth the price of the ticket, but when you have a frustrated young adult slaughtering young defenseless children, you start to wonder when the story ends and fantasy begins... ya know? Anyway, everyone’s dead of course, and all the cool people with fucked up names come to town. Sidius, Grevious, Vader, you know the crew. What the fuck is a Darth anyway? Some sort of rank? They are SITH, yet some are Darth's. Eh, who cares, it was cool to see everyone mostly die at the end.
I’m not going to get into a big ass lengthy discussion with myself to yourselves about how this all turned out. We all know the story, so you might as well get your ass somewhere and see it.
Oh one last thing I’m going to spoil it for you and say at the end of Episode VI, Luke Skywalker KILLS Darth Vader! Hahaha... told you I rule.
Score wise, I give this a 6 (sounds like Sith).
Thats 1, 2 and 3, all added up! Thats for all Episodes in this combo! COOL?!
Plus, I'm giving it an extra point for the idea of Padme's vulva being all
stretched out because of the twins.
OVERALL: 7
(like my johnson)
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