The Interpreter
4-23-2005
This red box represents the void of time in the beginning of the movie that I did not witness because my fucking car stalled. SON OF A BITCH!! Estimated time lost: 15± Minutes |
When I got to the movie, it was about 80% packed in the theater - I was surprised. Mostly older people. Probably because their kids were seeing some stupid animation movie. I walked in and sat in one of those seats where there are only 2 seats in a row off to the side. I looked like a dinknose.
The scene I walked in on had Silvia in a room with a shit load of tribal masks on the wall. I assumed this was her apartment. I missed the part where she witnessed the threat on the president of wherever-the-fuck. OH WELL. I saw it in the previews so who cares?
So she hears a whisper or a threat to the president or Zimbabwe or something and off it goes. Sean Penn (Tobin?) is the guy who is on the case. He we good in the movie - probably the best character. He always looked tired or over worked. His wife was killed a few weeks earlier so who would blame him. He’s VERY skeptical of everything about Silvia (what’s her name). Penn has a partner too, but she isn’t very memorable. I don’t even think she was good looking... who cares. My bladder was getting full, and I was tapping my foot like a MOFO.
So there is a ton of shit going on here: The president of whatever country is going to make a statement about why he bombed some terrorist group (supposedly) and that’s why there is so much concern. I guess the whole thing is a hoax. To make it look like there was an assassination attempt on him or something. But the actual sniper guy doesn’t know. BUT the Presidents head of security knows, I think. I guess it really helps to be at the movie from the beginning. I hate my fucking car in the rain! FUCK!
As you might expect, Penn reveals his tragedy to Silvia and she reveals some stuff about her past to Penn. I was sort of hoping to see some ass, but the only thing I got was some diplomat or whatever at a strip joint. There were some cool explosions though! A bus WENT UP and killed everyone in it including a young cop. He panicked though, so what the hell are you going to do? You know who I blame? SILVIA. She was dodging her saviors and driving that stupid crappy moped between cars so she could meet some dickhead so he could tell her some shitty news about her brother. Was it worth it? NOPE. That’s my thought. Her brother who is/was back in South Africa was involved in some crap, and some kid shot is skull off. That’s what happens when you fuck around with a room full of people with GUNS. I would be running like an old lady on Geritol if I saw something like that. RUN RUN RUN! I don’t need my weekend ruined either.
What the FUCK is up with Nicole Kidman’s nose? MAN, there is this close up, REAL CLOSE UP in this one scene, and if you weren’t familiar with her face before, you were now. I don’t know what’s up, but from a distance it just looked like her nose is a bit dented from the bottom - THEN you get that close up and you see her nostril is all contorted. I was scared. And I could tell the audience was too. No one wanted to say anything to her - not that they could, it was a friggin' movie and they would look more stupid than usual. I had to look away.
I don’t even remember have the shit going on in this movie. I guess the actual gunman/assassin was sort of working as a cleaning guy or whatever, and had his partner try and scare Silvia (Kidman) just to show her who’s boss. (Wasn’t him that’s for sure) Well, he put on one of her masks, and she flipped out, and he ran. They got a hair sample, and of course ID'd him. What an idiot. So, the head asshole gunman chokes him and shoves him in a closet. In the mean time he has a bomb factory in his apartment and uses lanterns to see. WHY? Because he has bombs hooked up to the apartments wiring in case someone (like the cops) find out what’s going on (and they do) Of course Penn, figures that out, and they walk without blowing up the neighborhood. Not that it wouldn’t be an improvement - after all this is New York.
As you can imagine there is a happy ending, and that’s when I had to take THE BIG PISS. I’m sorry I had to. I was totally overflowing with diet~coke, and there was nothing I could do. No big deal. After Penn saves the day there is a last scene where he’s outside and here comes Silvia (babble, babble). Not your typical suckface session - actually I couldn’t tell you because I was pissing like crazy. I doubt it though, he was still grieving, and she was too sort of. But I’m sure they are friends, and will pork later.
This red box represents the void of time when I couldn't stand it anymore and I had to go to the bathroom and PEE! Estimated time lost: 2± Minutes |
DID I MENTOIN I HATE MY CAR IN THE RAIN?!?!
Since I didn’t get to see this entire movie, I’m going to go in the EVEN and give it a 5 (+1). Maybe I will see it again, and write an even shittier review! I bet you would all like that.
OVERALL: 6
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