The Longest Yard
5-28-2005
If you like Adam Sandler, then you probably will like this movie. BUT, if you don’t like him, go rent the original one. I didn’t see the original, so I am basing this on me wanting to see it because Adam is in it. It’s pretty funny, but Adam doesn’t carry it as he as other films. Chris Rock is in it, but, he’s not doing his raunchy stand up style shit in it. It’s more black humor for white people - if that makes sense. There are some funny parts, and cool running effects, but that’s about it. Don’t get me wrong, it was entertaining and all that. I did laugh and most people did, but I think it’s because of the novelty of the film.
I'd like to point out that Courtney Cocks is an asshole in this film. She isn’t even that attractive, and you can tell that of her blatant misuse of her cleavage. She was in the movie for about 5 minutes and it was basically wasted. They should have used someone of more bitchness and looks, if you ask me. But, no one did so fuck off, OK?
Anyway, there are a bunch of wrestlers in this movie and none of them can act. We knew that already though, I think. There are a few Spanish dudes in here that are funny and you will recognize them for it. Oh, and as with any prison film, there are gay cons in there too. I don’t care if people are gay or not, but these people were disturbing, and I found myself having to close my eyes during their scenes. Not because they were ULTRA GAY, but because they did it so stupidly. Check it out, and don’t bring any chocolate with you. (who knows what that means?)
I saw this movie weeks ago, so this review is going to suck! But, as with any re-make, what can you really say about out? It’s a friggin' re-make. If you saw the original one, then you might compare the two. If you didn’t, well, then you can’t. If you like Adam, but dislike Reynolds, then you are yet in another dilemma. Who cares? You watch it and come out saying: they remade this thing? Why? Well, basically because Hollywood is running out of shit to write about, and some asshole in a stupid hat is saying, "Wouldn’t it be cool if we sucked at writing and just redid old movies with new actors who currently have nothing to do?" And so they did. Big fucking deal.
If you haven’t seen the original one, then I don’t know if this next sentence will ruin it for you - but Chris Rock gets killed in the movie. HAHHA! See, now you are pissed. Well, though shit - you are reading a fucking review, what did you expect? Dummy. The "inner-circle" of assholes was trying to get rid of Adam, so they had this dickhead put a bomb in a radio and set it on Adams table in his cell. Well, Chris went in there instead at first, to give Adam some gift or whatever - so, there is some gay country music playing on the radio - deliberately, by the way, just to piss me off - and when Chris HATES it and tries to fuck with the radio, the bomb goes off. Sad part of the movie, but hey, its not real so I don’t really give a shit, you know? It makes things more dramatic, (maybe for you). OH and Adam can’t do a serious-sad-pissed off face to save his life. BUT, that’s what makes it so funny. This is like Happy Gilmore playing the roll in this movie. And hey, I am not complaining in the least. Why bother? There is such dimension in that character as it is, why not expand on it?
In fact, that’s a great idea - take characters from OTHER movies and put them in remakes! For instance: How about we take the Character of Dr Evil and put him in the roll of JULES when a remake of PULP FICTION is made in 20 years? Not bad huh? OR, better still, how about we take the roll of Darth Vader and put him in the roll of Mohamed Ali? After all they are both black, right? This is how interesting this movie really is. It’s basically Happy Gilmore playing the roll Burt Reynolds once did. Nothing ground breaking, and if you want to blow $7 for no reason go right ahead. I know I didn’t have anything better to do on a Saturday morning at 11:10AM.
OVERALL: 5
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