This movie was pretty good because of the 5 minute scene with Sissy Spasek. If it wasn’t for her, this whole movie would have tanked. Spasek is the scariest bitch on Earth. Don’t believe me? Fuck you. Go watch the movie Carrie and you tell me she isn’t one creepy fucker.

This isn’t one of those sequels where you wish you saw the first one - but you should. There seems to be a gap in the story from where I remember the last one leaving off. The little kid in this movie is FUCKING WEIRD. But, it works. He chews food like a regular Llama. It bothered me at first, and then I realized it was peanut butter - so it wasn’t his fault. Blame his mother for making him look stupid.

Speaking of the Mom, she’s OK looking. She takes a new job at a tiny newspaper no one reads. The guy in the movie is a clitoris for sure. He didn’t even get any before he shat himself. But his bathroom tub does some cool tricks. I can’t remember this damn movie very much... I was to busy smelling the smelly people (again) in the back row. Why don’t they stay home? Why do they have to come to MY show? I want them all eradicated.

This kid is about to get his shit rearranged by Samara - the little ass who just can’t take a hint and stay in her well. Her Mom tried to drown her when she was a baby - so the Nuns took her away, and the baby ended up in someone else’s hands. This is where my confusion lies: who the fuck and what the fuck? I don't know who is who's real mother here. There, that’s all. Now I can get on with the rest of this movie.

Do you like my short paragraphs? Fuck you.

This kid seems to be Samaras doorway into the "physical world". I hate these kinds of stories. Can’t the writers be more creative? She comes through a fucking television set! Was it cable? Satellite? And who the fuck uses VHS tapes and VCRs anymore? Last time I checked it was 2005 you bunch of ass-packages! I doubt these dead people would have a good time trying to get through a DVD disc. What a bunch of assholes.

TAKE ME TAKE ME INSTEAD, Mommy says. Give me a break. Take the KID! Who the hell wants to die when someone else can? ALL SHE WANTS IS A MOTHER! Yeah OK, so you want to be her mother for 5 minutes then choke her ass out? Leave the girl alone, she’s been though enough with being tossed down a well and smelling like shit all these years. But DAMN does she know how to climb her some rock. IM NOT YOUR FUCKING MOTHER! Well then why the hell did you suck yourself into the tube? To fool her? BITCH. She’s the victim over here lady, NOT YOU! Just let her have her time killing people and go home and make a sandwich. Damn people are always interfering with the natural course of a fine killing spree from a supernatural Quadrapod. LET IT GO!

Some cool parts are when people get their faces all contorted and rearranged for themselves personally. That ruled. I even went to the website where the tape is, and I watched it. I waited the 7 days and I was still alive. NO weird gel coming out of my ass or my eyes melting. What a disappointment. And people actually have some sort of fucked up cult too. Go to the website, you’ll see how retarded they all are. I took some pictures of myself as well, after I saw the tape. No weird skews or fucked up patterns. The movie was a LIE and this alleged cult is just a bunch of naysayers who want attention. EAT MY SHIT! I'm fine now.

And you know what else? There was only ONE refreshment assistant there at the theater that day. WHAT THE FUCK. I was late as it was, and it wasn’t even my fault. I had shit to do. Then, I get there and there is a line 20 bodies long, and 1 fucking fool at the cash register. I had to go into the movie without my guaranteed piss cup. Oh, I was pissed. If that happens again this week, I’m going to throw a stinker into the center of the theater lobby.

You're ugly.

Some cool FX and blood, and screaming annoying people a horror movie does not make, (I love talking all wisdom-like). Call me MOMMY, CALL ME RACHEL. The kid calls his mother by her first name. That’s the way to do it kid. If you want to be taken seriously, alienate every damn person you come in contact with. The kid has a nice camera though. But the shutter button makes a shitty cheap plastic sound. I didn’t like it AT ALL. You’ll see when you listen closely. It will piss you off to no end. In the end everyone is OK, except for the people who died. How original.

I’m sick of talking about this movie. It’s a 5 and I don’t have to tell you why. Bite my ass. No boobs or kung-fu either. RIPOFF!

OVER ALL: 5

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