First of all, I know the idea of this sight is stupid and so are you for reading it. I see a shitload of movies because I have nothing to do on a Saturday at 9am other than to sit in a theater with no one in it. If you ever see me there, leave.
I see a movie a week usually, sometimes more. I will see anything, because that's just how it is. Even if I don't see a movie, I already know everything about it, and you should still read my review.
I usually bring my own food, (tough shit) and order up a $6 128oz soda so I can suffer the pain of a seriously enlarged bladder half way during the movie. This makes it all the more exciting for me. Even if the movie sucks (and it probably will to some extent) I can still piss all over the place afterwards and feel good about it.
I don't go into a movie these days with a whole lot of high expectations. I rate them on blood, boobs, explosions, theater experience, (and that includes the other assholes in there with me, i.e. staff, concessions, and other theater going dingleberries) and acting. If there happens to be some passable acting in the movie, or a plot for that matter, I'll make note of it.
I've seen every movie there is to see. You wont see them all reviewed here, unless there is a special number of requests. I've started out with the most recent, and I'll go from there.
You might be wondering after you strolled onto this site: wow, this shit looks familiar. Well that's because it does - I borrowed the formatting from the original genius or literature himself. MADDOX.
Though he is the original with this type of textual communication. I've tried my best to give my site a personality that is its own. Maybe I failed? Who cares anyway. Just read my stuff and forever be rewarded an assfaceclamneck subdivisional multi-socketed disconfoguration utility. Whoa, thank you.
I got the idea for this after reading a review for DAWN OF THE DEAD. This blew my ass out of my ass chair, thing - whatever. It had big balls, and if you don't agree, just look at the size of the balls from the owner himself.
Now that I'm done kissing the ass that feeds me (wow, gross), let me tell you something extra special! I see each and every movie I review. I only review movies I want to see, so stop bugging me to go check out your newest hard-on animation. It's not going to happen caca knuckles.
Another contributor who has no clue about this site that inspired me to just flip the hell out and not give a shit about anyone's bullcrap is Mr. Hamburger... The Ninja aficionado.
Besides knowing everything there is to know about Ninja's, he also has a book. Go buy copies of it for everyone you know and swallow an Alligator if you like (I don't care). If you doubt his knowledge, do what's good for you and read how to kill yourself with a frisbee - then do it. Pretty simple if you ask him.
Also, you might want to check out the words of wisdom from a hybrid, if you will. NinjaPirate. Damn funny if not purposefully enlightening if I do say so myself. Dude reviewed a movie too, sucked though according to him. I mean, just read the fucking thing.
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